The Boring Life of John Egbert
by meto-hime
Summary: John's life is indescribably boring. No joke, it's a miracle that he didn't die of boredom these past 16 years of his life. That is, his life WAS boring for the past 16 years.


_Hello again, _

_Holy shit I'm posting something on here. It's been years since I've actually posted anything and I feel as though people should really hate me since I kinda left them hanging with my last story... :[_

_Anyways, I'm not sure if I'm back to being a regular on here, this was just an impulse thing. I might continue it when I find the mindset to continue writing this again. _

* * *

To say that John Egbert's life was boring is like saying a human breaths air. It was a pretty damn well know fact that it shouldn't even be a question anymore. In all honesty, how many people ask one another what the fuck do people breath? No really, I'm pretty sure even a baby is born with this knowledge. Needless to say John's life was pretty fucking boring.

He went to a local high school close to his cookie cutter neighborhood with average nobodies whose main concern in life were the somebodies of the world. He had a dad. A pretty average dad who had nothing very special about him. He was so unremarkable that even his name had become too dull for time to remember. Having no idea what his name was and knowing him for too long to ask, the neighbors had asked John to find out his dad's name. Of course John being his unimpressive self simply replied, "His name is Dad." And Dad it stayed.

If John had a mom to speak of, he imagines that she would be as dull and monotone as the rest of his life, but he doesn't. John likes to imagine that he was born in some laboratory ran by a mad biologist. The biologist miscalculated his recipe for cake by adding too much derp to the eggs, and boom(!), John Egbert was born. But even that imaginative thought was too interesting for John's boring life. How exactly he was conceived remains a mystery to John.

It was frustrating how boring and uninteresting John's life has become. That's not correct. 'Has become' implies that John at one point had an interesting life. Maybe one involved with adventure with meteors crashing against the earth? An adventure where John had friends to help him with the trials of life as they matured together. John's life since birth has been infuriatingly boring.

It was with all this in mind that John decided one day to ride his bike, a very generic blue bike, around the town in hopes of something different. As he rode down streets, passing blurred uninteresting faces and grey four door cars, John concluded that his boringness seemed to have contaminated the rest of the town.

"What's the point of living such a boring life?"

His mind was constantly plagued by the thought. John had contemplated suicide before. It was more appealing on some days over others. For example, there would be days where he would wake up to grey skies and sticky humidity and go to school where he became a face in the crowd. He would go about his routine, speaking to his classmates and acquaintances without actually having a conversation. He would come home to cake and delicious home cooked food that would have been so if eaten at the time it was prepared. Alas he would eat it hours after the fact, alone in his room versus eating at an empty table set for three.

On days like those, suicide sounded very appealing. But suicide would be too interesting of an ending for John Egbert. No John would die of old age. Alone. Maybe he had a kid or two, but what does that matter when they won't visit him. No his kids would be more interested in anything he could offer them, because no one had such a boring life as John has.

Riding back with a mind full of melancholy, John was surprised by a strong glow warming the back of his neck. He stopped his bike by a side walk and dropped it as though it had offended him. Large deep blue eyes framed by thick black glasses took in the sky behind him.

The night sky had changed colors to a bright orange like that of a sci-fi movie. A high pitched whistling broke the sounds of crickets as a large object zoomed over John's head.

John was in shock. Something interesting was happening. Something interesting was happening in front of him, John Egbert. A large smile spread across John's rounded cheeks that looked rather awkward and uncomfortable as though he had no idea how to smile. It didn't help that with such a large grin John's overbite became more evident.

With a skip to his step, John gracelessly picked up his fallen bike and followed in the direction of the object as it crashed into the woods near his town.

* * *

_So, I wrote this more to see how comfortable I was at writing a story rather then to write the whole story, if that makes any sense? Sorry if I wasted your guys' time. (this doesn't mean i absolutely won't continue writing this, just that it's not a priority at the moment.)_

_By the by, don't be afraid to tell me if there's any mistakes. _


End file.
